f*cking g*d d*mnit aarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

i'm happy and i'm angry at the same time.
and i hate it.

AND, my sister is happy and that makes me happy.
and angry.
at the same time!!
[not angry that she's happy;
angry that she's happy and i'm not.
angry that she's taking the necessary steps to ensure her own happiness, and i'm not.]

i'd really like to just bask in the happy for a while.
can i just do that?
please?