Jason Mraz was on The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno tonight. Jack Johnson tomorrow. I don't know if I'm happy or... scared. I love Jason. I love that very few people (outside of the Maxwell bubble) listen to Jason. I love Jack. I love(d) that a lot of people listened to Jack, but not on the radio or tv. What's happening in the world?

I fell for Barlow just now. I've only heard one song, but you know how love goes.

**pppfffttttttthhhhhhbbbbbb** Hmmm. I wonder if that's the accurate way to spell a raspberry. I doubt it.

Why am I so anxious these days? I'm not unhappy. I don't really have anything to be concerned about. What is my issue? My heart rate seems to be stuck at something ridiculously high. Countless times today (and yesterday), I've had to literally stop -- walking, talking, breathing -- and tell myself to "shill out." The only people I can think of that get freaked out this much are crack addicts and neurotics. I've got one of those under control.

Did you know that atelophobia is the fear of imperfection? Lyssophobia is the fear of going insane. Coitophobia is the fear of sexual intercourse. Apeirophobia is the fear of infinity. Just a bit to think about...

Think.

Mrrrrgghhhh. As a person that has never had any need to be really close to others and never had any desire to "share myself with others," I'm really surprising myself. Recently I allowed myself... or I suppose I WILLED myself to be close to someone and share myself with him and learn about him and not freak and (metaphorically) run away. Since I came to terms with and accepted this new type of relationship I had built, it's like I've been addicted to it. Not in an actual sense, but enough that it's weird. I'm a lot less guarded talking to people now. I've found myself saying a lot of the things that really reflect who I am and what I feel, the type of stuff I generally wouldn't think of saying aloud. On a bigger scale, if I don't feel there's the possibility of my having a similar relationship with someone as I do with him, I have no desire to have any type of relationship. I need, I crave that honesty and openness of sharing. Which sucks uberly 'cause I'm here and the only person I can relate to like that is... not. **sad face** Ç'est difficle.

Even this is weird; livejournal. The concept of a journal certainly is not. I am the most introverted person I know and I spend most of my time thinking/writing about myself and analyzing everything in my life. I've had countless journals in the past. But this... THIS is online. Online. The internet. Any creep w/ a computer can read what's going through my head. Worse than that, the people in my life can read what's going through my head. Yet, I don't mind. What do I have to hide? If the people I surround myself with can't handle my thoughts, then why am I surrounding myself with them?

Is there a fear of sleep? I'm going to look that up. Somniphobia. It's definitely 3:51 and I'm definitely awake.

Day of family fun tomorrow. We get kicked out of our house while strangers clean our carpets (and steal our DVD players). I also get my glasses tomorrow. My mother, sister and the two ladies at the optometrist's office picked them for me. I'm ridiculously indecisive.

Post Script: I used the word "ridiculous" (in various forms) way too many times today. Get out of my vocabulary, you creep!!